What Is It About? (If It’s Not About You)

by ThisIsShe|Mags


I recently read an article about a 27-year-old Med Student in America who is selling her virginity and thus has a blog; (http://musingsofavirginwhore.com/) to document her journey. Now I am a woman of faith and that does have certain connotations regarding my stance on sexual immorality which doesn’t necessarily comply with the choices I have made in my life up to this present moment. This post, however, is not about me per se, but rather about us.

I have a wide circle of friends and within that circle is another circle and within that is what I like to call a heart-shaped circle. My two friends and I (lets call them Mini and Dimples for the sake of privacy) have known each other for a long time. Mini and I have been friends since the first week of high school all those years ago and I met Dimples only a mere 2 years after that. We catch up with each other every so often as our lives have taken us on different paths with different schedules. Nevertheless we still find the time to have dinner or a puffed cheeked, Colgate inspired chickflick movie-night. I really enjoy these with women who know how to make me cringe and coo at the same time. Because I respect their opinions I asked them a question that was tittering around my mind…

My thoughts go back to when I first read this article on Elitedaily and was outraged at the sheer moxie of this women. I was lying in bed with my boyfriend (TDB – Tall, Dark and Broody or affectionately known as Bubble Butt) and I could feel the blood pumping through my temples to my fingers as I scrolled down the pages; stopping occasionally to let out a huff only women of colour would understand. We do this when we are in disbelief over something or, quite simply, have pure and sharp judgement. BB was unfazed by my explanation of what I thought was feminism at its worst, (though lets remember, I had my fabulous yet overly dramatic Judgement Fedora on).

I was saddened by her pragmatic approach to the lifespan of her hymen. Was it such a big deal? Why did it bother me so much when I had no connections to this woman or her goals, ideals and beliefs… or did I? The more I raged the more I wondered if she was raging too. This woman clearly believes she is in control and this control has given her a rare key to freedoms – both financial and physical – she is in need of. What can I say to someone who has figured it all out?  I wondered if she knows of the emotional development she is bound to experience once the wheels are in motion and the pennies (or millions – if she’s lucky) has dropped. I do not have anything against Elizabeth. I wish her the best in her endeavours both contractually, professionally and personally. She has raised her hand and decided she will not conform to a societal view of her virginity.

It begs to ask the question; Was it the chicken or the egg or, more appropriately, the ovaries or the money?

“Lastly, I would like to end on a bit more of a serious note. Believe it or not, I am not without a social conscience and have given considerable thought to the implications of virginity, virginity auctions, and my own actions. As you probably know, in almost every society a high value is placed on a woman’s virginity. Unfortunately, far too often, this value is wielded as tool of female suppression – usually by chaining virginity to morality, in place of more important virtues such as intelligence, kindness, courage, and good humor. In stark contrast to this, my independence, education and freethinking mind place me in the very unique and powerful position of being able to do with my virginity what I will. While I do not wish for such a high value to be placed on virginity, this is the current reality. Considering this reality, I ask you, shouldn’t the value of virginity benefit women rather than hurt them? I see no good reason why I should not take advantage of mine. So while my virginity auction may be and should be a topic of debate, I hope you can tell it is my sincere belief that I am not on the wrong side of this social issue. I will also say, at its core this is a very personal matter, and no one who dares to judge has the same perspective I do or will be as affected by this decision as me. From where I am sitting, this feels right and just plain clever. Is it possible it will turn into a mistake? They say anything is possible, but there really is only one way to find out!”